26 November 2007

Advice to those who may be bullied...

The scene - a head teacher's office.

Head: Well, thank you for bringing the matter to my attention Mrs Vongentula. What we usually suggest in this situation is prayer. That's right - you and your child should pray to God, saying please don't let the bully hurt us. We find that usually clears up even the most extreme cases of bullying. Any other problems, let us know; a human sacrifice sometimes works where plain old intercession fails...

12 November 2007

The Passion Of The Christ

We can only assume the look of pie-eyed exhaustion on Jesus' face is one of the early effects of unexpected crucifixion.

27 September 2007

The Swivel Song (Part 2 of 2)

The full lyrics to the Swivel Song. We never found out what the tune was like, but try to sing along just the same...

Swivel on this, swivel on that
Just do it just like me
Swivel on the and you will see.
Then you then you
get the swivel thing yeah.

We then repeat verse one (or actually 'rupat vase 1'), despite the sad uncertainty of what we're swivelling on in the third line.

Just make sure you swivel just like me
Just like me
yeah yeah yeah.
Just do it just ____ like see.
Even he can do it
Hey do it like me.

And treat yourself... repeat verse 2. The joy...

25 September 2007

The Swivel Song (Part 1 of 2)

The Swivel Song was a happy find. Nestled close to the bin, but thankfully not actually in it, I was delighted to find a folded piece of A4 containing the actual lyrics to the Swivel Song, plus this delightful cover.

The two figures, one of whom is clearly performing the Swivel Song in an entirely unacceptable fashion, are labelled with a tick and a cross so we are left in no uncertainty as to the correct stance.

The writing, if you're wondering, says 'Dont do it like him the gay way dude'. I'm betting the little chap wouldn't have written that if he'd realised it would cause three weeks of intensive assemblies on tolerance and plenty of Literacy work on the correct use of apostrophes in the word don't.


This, you'll be pleased to note, is me. The young gentleman in question, obviously bored with his spellings, turned his page over and produced this delightfully curly-tailed creature, complete with an accurate number of feet, though only the one eye. I rather like it, actually, and completely failed to lose my temper when young master X picked it up and waved it in my face. Bless 'em all...